Posted on听听page, June 20, 2020
Breathing through Pandemic Days: Getting from Me to We
Each day since isolation provides new information, unexpected devastation, an opportunity for transformation听beyond the individual鈥nce we understand the meaning of 鈥�pandemic.鈥�
March 10:听I facilitate RIO鈥檚 first Peer Editing Workshop for faculty applying for an NEH Fellowship. I walk into that meeting, holding tightly to a wipe, offering the box to scholars. One colleague remarks, 鈥渢hat won鈥檛 work, it doesn鈥檛 have alcohol.鈥� I respond, 鈥淚鈥檓 using it as a barrier, so I don鈥檛 have to touch the doors.鈥澨�I was cautious.
March 11:听My East Coast octogenarian relatives say 鈥淭here鈥檚 nothing we can do鈥�; 鈥淚鈥檓 going to live my life鈥�; 鈥淚鈥檓 healthy,鈥� as they continue to food shop and go to the beauty parlor. My mother runs around NYC unable to find hand sanitizer.听I worry for the elderly.
Through to mid-March:听My public defender husband goes to work. Even as CU Boulder goes virtual, Denver County Judges require in-person representation leaving lawyers, clients, inmates, Sheriff鈥檚 Officers, staff, judges, cleaners鈥攖he public鈥攁ll vulnerable to exposure.听I worry for my husband and those in custody.
March 16:听I send letters to our governor, CO鈥檚 Chief Justice, Denver County Court, clerks, administrative staff, and the听Denver Post:
I am deeply concerned that you have not closed the courts鈥攅ven temporarily鈥攁nd mandated that they Go Virtual...The health and safety of some of the most vulnerable, as well as those who strive to ensure justice is served, are at great risk鈥f the courts can temporarily shut down, and if mechanisms to ensure justice can be put into place immediately using existing models, we can be part of ending the pandemic's rise. Should prison, jail, transitioning populations be infected, tax payer dollars and countless other lives will be at risk. Please help to secure the health of the most vulnerable, and take immediate action to prevent needless spread of this virus. Please help the State of Colorado ensure both health and justice.
March 19:听My husband gets the call: He had been exposed during lunch at the Court house. He puts on his mask (which had been around his neck while he ate dinner), stands up, and enters the master bedroom which has its own private bathroom. He won鈥檛 rejoin us until 14 days later.听I become conscious of my breathing: I am alone.
End of March:听During that excruciatingly long March, I throw myself into my work. PPE and pulse oximeters are sold out. Friends show mild to moderate symptoms.听Breathing becomes more difficult until Passover when my husband emerges healthy.
April:听Like most Jews during Passover, we reflect on suffering and enslavement, appreciating what we have compared with others. Now that my husband is okay, my breathing is again automatic. What will our new normal be? May we watch TV for entertainment rather than only COVID-19-related news? I gratefully join the Center for Humanities and the Arts鈥櫶�Monday Movie Nights.听We are together in isolation.
Interlude:
To write a 鈥減andemic post,鈥� to capture 鈥渢houghts, observations, concerns, fears, hopes, and musings about life under the current pandemic conditions we are all experiencing in Boulder, Colorado, the US, and the globe,鈥� first we must understand the meaning of 鈥減andemic.鈥� According to Merriam-Webster, it is 鈥渁n outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area and affects an exceptionally high proportion of the population鈥�; 鈥減an鈥� is rooted in 鈥渁ll,鈥� as in all-inclusive.
May 25:听George Floyd could not breathe. He is killed. My difficulty-breathing-from-angst, and the term 鈥減andemic,鈥� take on additional meanings. After all, a pandemic, by definition, is not about me. Injustice is a disease that affects everyone, and听we are differently affected.
Juneteenth:听Reflecting on the killing of George Floyd and others, I ask myself how听will听we听get through听these inequitable days? I learn more; try to listen more; strive to act more. How do we talk and learn about the history of different people鈥檚 suffering, including their causes?听What does one听breath mean if all do not have equal access to air?
Coda: A Prelude that Inspires a Hopeful Post Script
At the end of February, with great prescience, Jennifer Ho submitted a grant proposal for a Summer Institute for 2021, 鈥淩acial Literacies: How to Talk and Teach 麻豆视频 Race and Racism in the U.S.鈥� As we wait and hope, I realize the power of Hope to transform feelings, even amidst pandemics. Continuing the work, with virtuous leaders informed by science, history and justice,听there can be听hope听that together we will alter the realities underlying these pandemic inequities and inequitable pandemics.
Donna K. Axel
Proposal Editor & Writing Coach,听Donna Axel - 麻豆视频
Research & Innovation Office (RIO),听Proposal Writing Support
Donna.Axel@colorado.edu