Dating

5 things everyone should know about consent

Valerie Padilla — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 15:09:25 +0000

5 things everyone should know about consent Valerie Padilla Mon, 10/21/2024 - 09:09

Navigating relationships and sexuality in college can be exciting and challenging. It can help to understand what consent really means, why it's so important and how to practice it in your own relationships.

Here are five things to know about consent.

1. Consent comes first

Before engaging in any sexual activity, it’s necessary to establish consent. This is true regardless of your current relationship status or sexual history.

Think of consent as a continuous agreement between sexual partners. It can be communicated through words or actions that demonstrate a shared understanding and agreement for a given sexual activity. This practice provides each person with the opportunity to set personal boundaries and understand the boundaries of others.

Establishing affirmative consent requires a level of safety and vulnerability to share what we want and remain open to the potential of being disappointed, disappointing someone else or being rejected. While this can feel challenging, it’s important to recognize that open and honest conversations about sex are essential and make the experience better.

2. Consent is fluid

Consent is less about agreeing to do something and more about agreeing to try something.

People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected, even if they were initially okay with it. Additionally, agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to other sexual activities, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t imply it’s okay to take it further.

Keep in mind that some people may not feel comfortable communicating their boundaries or desires directly or explicitly. Many students have little or no experience with sex, may be inexperienced with different types of sex or navigating sex with a new partner. We may know or have ideas about what feels good for us, but we can’t know what feels good for someone else. It may be difficult for someone to articulate exactly what they want, especially if the experience is new. That’s why it’s important to be tuned into different signals to avoid overstepping someone’s boundaries. It can also be helpful to confirm continued consent. For instance, you can ask things like, “Does this feel good?” or “Let me know if you want to stop or do something different?”

3. Consent can be verbal or physical

Consent can be expressed both verbally and physically. Sex requires flexibility in how people communicate their willingness to engage in different activities.

Verbal consent means that a person is using words to convey clear permission. Physical consent, like non-verbal body language and facial expressions, conveys permission through actions. No matter how consent is communicated, it’s important that it creates a mutual understanding that something is wanted. Keep in mind that if you’re relying on a single cue to signal consent, you might be missing other important information that may communicate someone’s consent or non-consent.

Here are some examples of what consent can look like:

Consent can look like...

Direct, brief answers that give permission (e.g., yes, absolutely, etc.)

Concrete planning (e.g., “I’d love to! Now?”)

Direct eye contact

Moving closer

Nodding and smiling

Initiating touch in response to a suggestion

Reciprocating touch

Consent doesn’t look like...

Indirect answers or pauses (e.g., “I don’t know right now” or “Maybe...I’m not sure.”

Avoiding eye contact

Looking closed off

Leaning away

The way someone is dressed

A reward for favors (e.g., gifts, rides, money, etc.)

*A person who does not want to consent to sex is not required to resist.

4. Incapacitation doesn’t count

Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they’re saying or doing.

Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable or rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.

Keep in mind that the use of alcohol or drugs, in and of itself, does not render a person incapacitated, nor is it a defense against an allegation of sexual misconduct. The impact of alcohol and/or drugs varies from person to person. Someone who is aware or should know that an individual is incapacitated and engages in sexual activity with that individual, is in violation of university policy and the law.

Some signs of incapacitation that may indicate a person is unable to consent:

Disorientation, which could include a person losing track of where they are or who they are with, being confused or unable to remember basic information, or repeating themselves (lack of short-term memory).

Loss of motor control, which means a person may not be able to do basic things like insert a key in a lock, not be able to get something out of a wallet, not be able to dress or undress themselves or walk on their own.

Unconsciousness, including being asleep or passed out.

It can also be helpful in sexual relationships to talk through how you both feel about having sex or doing sexual activities while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

5. Work together to improve your experience

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a fulfilling and satisfying sex life. By creating an environment where both people feel safe to express their desires, concerns and boundaries freely, sexual partners can create more intimate and enjoyable sexual experiences.

Remember, good sex looks different for different people, and it's an ongoing process of discovery and mutual care.

Here are some topics to consider discussing:

What is something that I do that really turns you on?

Is there a new position or activity you’d like to try together?

What are your favorite forms of foreplay?

Do you have any fantasies you might like to explore?

What makes you feel most comfortable and safe during sex?

Are there any things that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe?

How can we better communicate our needs during sex?

How do you want me to talk about your body or refer to specific body parts?

What can I do to make you feel more satisfied during and after sex?

When having conversations about sex, it’s important to not shy away from more sensitive subjects like past experiences that may influence your current preferences or anxieties. These conversations also don't have to be formal—they can happen naturally during quiet moments together, over dinner, in the car or lying in bed.

Through open communication, you can create a sex life that is not only consensual but deeply satisfying for you and your partner.

Campus resources

There are a number of resources on campus that can support your sexual health and relationship well-being.

SexEd Workbook
This guided workbook can help you explore what sex means to you, how your own body experiences pleasure and more. This is a great place to start when thinking through sexual experiences and considering questions you may not have considered before.

Skill-building workshops
The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) offers free discussion-based sessions to help students explore sexual decisions and communication. Topics include consent, pleasure, boundaries and sexual assault.

Sexual and reproductive health
Medical Services providers are here to support all CU Boulder students learn about their bodies and take care of their sexual and reproductive health. Services include exams, birth control, gynecological services, vaccines, HIV prevention and more.

Safer sex supplies
Students living on campus can order a free Buff Box that includes supplies and information about safer sex, including condoms, lube, dental dams and more.

Students living off campus can stop by Wardenburg to pick up free safer sex supplies.

STI testing
Students can schedule an in-person or telehealth appointment to get testing recommendations, review results or order STI tests from the lab. Drop-in testing is also available at the lab in Wardenburg Health Center.

Let’s Talk
Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can check in for an informal, brief and confidential consultation with a counselor to discuss relationships, sex, gender and more.

Apothecary Pharmacy
The Apothecary Pharmacy at Wardenburg Health Center provides prescription medications and over-the-counter products, including emergency contraception, condoms, pregnancy tests and more.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including, but not limited to, sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and harassment.
Confidential resource

Sexual assault

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.

Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).

Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.

Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Sexual assault can also include going against an established mutual agreement, such as agreeing to have sex with a condom and then lying or removing it without a partner’s knowledge.

Learn more about sexual assault and available resources.

Important: Under Colorado law, a person under the age of 15 cannot legally consent to sex with someone who is four or more years older than they are. A person who is 15 or 16 cannot legally consent to sex with someone who is more than 10 years older

Learn what consent really means, why it's so important and how to practice it in your own relationships.

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Top health concerns for college students (and what to do about them)

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 06:00:00 +0000

Top health concerns for college students (and what to do about them) Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 09/25/2024 - 00:00

Health issues are more common than you may think among college students. Here are some of the most common health concerns you may experience in college and what you can do about them.

1. Stress, anxiety and depression

Many students experience mental health challenges in college, whether it’s related to stress, anxiety or depression. Increased responsibilities, busy schedules, changes in routine and other personal circumstances can all impact mental health in different ways.

If you’re struggling with your mental health, it’s important to know that resources are available to help you cope and feel better.

Here are a few to check out:

Mental health workshops: Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) offers free weekly workshops to help students address anxiety, depression, stress, mindfulness and more.
Peer Wellness Coaching: Sometimes the best advice comes from other Buffs. That’s where peer wellness coaches come in. You can meet with a trained student to talk through things and get advice about time management, academics, test prep, relationships and more.
Let’s Talk: Talking through challenges can be a great way to gain insight, come up with a game plan and connect with resources. CAPS offers free drop-in hours as part of their Let’s Talk program where you can meet informally with a counselor for free to chat through a variety of concerns, including stress, anxiety and depression.
AcademicLiveCare: Students can access free, virtual counseling and psychiatry appointments online through AcademicLiveCare. This service is available to all students, regardless of your insurance plan.
Acupuncture and ear seeding: Did you know acupuncture can be used to help reduce stress, anxiety and depression? The Collegiate Recovery Community offers free ear seeding events every other Wednesday throughout the semester.
WellTrack: WellTrack is a free interactive and self-guided app that can help you identify, understand and address issues like stress, anxiety and/or depression.

2. Sleep

Getting enough sleep can be tricky in college. Work, classes, extracurriculars, exams and social events can all impact how much (or how little) rest we get. With everything going on, it’s important to remind yourself that sleep plays a critical role in your overall health and well-being. In fact, getting enough sleep can help keep your immune system running smoothly, improve your mood, help you retain information for exams and more.

If you’re struggling to get into a good sleep routine, here are some tips that can help:

Reduce your caffeine consumption during the day, especially in the late afternoon and evenings.
Avoid taking long naps during the day. Instead, focus on taking power naps that are only 20 to 30 minutes long. Campus has a variety of nap pod locations at The Rec, Wardenburg and Norlin Library.
Reduce your screen time at night. This includes your phone, laptop, gaming devices and televisions.
Get more natural light during the day by spending time outside.
Go to the gym earlier in the day to avoid releasing adrenaline into your system that may keep you up at night.
Make a nightly routine that helps you relax and prepare for bed. For instance, you can try brushing your teeth, reading a book, stretching, meditating or sipping sleepy time tea.
Pick up free sleep supplies like sleep masks, tea, ear plugs, aromatherapy rollers and more from the Wellness Suite on the third floor of Wardenburg Health Center or have them delivered to your residence hall through Buff Box.
Consider signing up for a group acupuncture session if you struggle with insomnia. Acupuncture can help increase your melatonin, reduce stress and improve the overall quality of your sleep.

Check out more tips to help you optimize your sleep schedule.

3. Sexually transmitted infections

Did you know that about one in five people in the U.S. has a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? These types of infections are common in young adults and can pass from person to person through sexual activities like oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, genital contact or sexual fluids like semen.

Common STIs include human papilloma virus (HPV), chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis and herpes simplex virus (HSV), among others.

If you plan to be sexually active, here are some tips to follow:

Use protection, like dental dams, condoms and finger caps. Free supplies are available at Wardenburg Health Center and in Buff Boxes.
Get tested for STIs regularly if you are sexually active. Remember that the most common symptom of an STI is no symptoms.
Talk openly with your partners about your status or test results.
Get vaccinated for human papilloma virus (HPV) and Hepatitis B.
If you’re at an increased risk of contracting HIV, Medical Services offers Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP).
If you are concerned that you may have been exposed to bacterial STIs like syphilis, chlamydia or gonorrhea, doxyPEP can help prevent contraction after exposure.

If you or a partner ends up contracting an STI, it’s important to know that most types of STIs are treatable, and Medical Services offers a variety of testing and treatment options. Free at-home test kits are also available through a partnership through the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment (CDPHE). Find more information about what to do after unprotected sex and how to keep yourself safe in the future.

4. Seasonal illnesses

College campuses are crawling with germs and viruses. This is because students often live in close quarters, attend social gatherings and may have larger classes. Some of the most common seasonal illnesses to watch out for include the common cold, flu and COVID.

Avoid getting sick this year by:

Getting a free flu and/or COVID vaccine.
Washing your hands regularly, especially before eating and after using the restroom.
Staying hydrated and getting seven to nine hours of quality sleep.
Reducing your contact with others if they're feeling under the weather.
Disinfecting common surfaces in your home regularly.

If you do get sick, monitor your symptoms, cover your coughs and sneezes, stay home when possible and opt to wear a mask. It’s important to know that viral infections like the common cold can’t be treated by a doctor. In these cases, you can use at-home remedies like cough drops, herbal tea, honey sticks for a sore throat and other self-care tactics. Pick up free wellness supplies at the Wellness Suite in Wardenburg Health Center or get them delivered to your residence hall for free in a Buff Box.

If you’re experiencing more severe symptoms like pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or difficulty breathing, it’s probably best to make an appointment with Medical Services. Students can also access care after-hours, on the weekends and during breaks through AcademicLiveCare.

5. Meningitis

Proximity with a lot of other people can lead to more than just seasonal illnesses. This is especially true for those living in residence halls or high-occupancy housing units. In fact, college students are at increased risk of contracting meningitis.

Meningitis is a serious, and sometimes life-threatening, infection of the brain and spinal cord.

The best way to prevent the spread of meningitis is to get the Meningitis (Men-ACWY) vaccine. If you’re not already vaccinated, you can schedule a vaccine appointment with Medical Services.

Symptoms of meningitis include:

Confusion
Fever
Headache
Sensitivity to light
Stiff neck

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these symptoms, make an appointment at Medical Services to be evaluated. It’s important to catch meningitis infections early to reduce the chances of spreading it to others and prevent serious nerve or brain damage. If you are experiencing symptoms after-hours, please go to an urgent care facility near you.

6. Substance use and misuse

Even though 93% of CU Students support choosing not to drink at parties, college can come with unspoken expectations around partying, drinking and substance use.

Students may choose to use substances to cope with mental health issues, manage stress, improve their energy, catch up on assignments, ease social anxiety and more. However, substances can also cause students to have unwanted experiences, such as worsening mental health issues, poor grades, reduced learning or performance, legal challenges, risky decisions or behaviors, accidents and reliance on unhealthy coping methods, among others. In some cases, substance use may result in increased emergency room visits, accidents, alcohol poisoning, overdoses, addiction and long-term health effects.

If you’re interested in exploring or changing your relationship with substances, you can schedule a Buffs Discuss Substance Use session. These sessions are run by trained undergraduate peer facilitators who can empower students to gain deeper understanding and be intentional about substance use. If you prefer to work with a professional staff member, check out the free and non-judgmental Exploring Substance Use Workshop.

CU Boulder also has programs to help students who are in recovery or seeking recovery from a variety of unhealthy behaviors, including substance use. Health Promotion offers free support for quitting nicotine, including quit kits, coaching and more. Additionally, the Collegiate Recovery Community offers free peer support, weekly meetings and social events for students in recovery or interested in recovery from a variety of substances and other unwanted behaviors.

Students can pick up free naloxone or fentanyl test strips on the third floor of Wardenburg Health Center or by ordering a Safer Night Out Buff Box.

7. Eating changes

There are a variety of things that can trigger changes in our eating patterns. In some cases, these changes are temporary, for instance forgetting to eat lunch while studying for an exam. However, significant changes can lead to more serious or long-term eating concerns, such as disordered eating behaviors or eating disorders.

For many students, college may be the first time that you have had the freedom or responsibility for deciding when, what and how to eat. This, on top of other stressors in college, can sometimes cause anxiety, especially for those who aren’t sure what food choices to make. Anxiety around food can also be compounded by things like cultural beauty standards, body image and comparing your body with those around you.

Here are some factors that can lead to unhealthy eating patterns:

Change or loss of control: Experiencing a lot of new things at once can be exciting, but it can also lead to stress or anxiety. As a result, people may compensate by exerting more control over what they eat.
Academics: It’s normal to feel worried about grades, workload and studying every once in a while. However, if classes become too stressful, some may use food as a coping method or a way to create control and stability.
Social groups: Friendships play a critical role in your college experience. However, it can also come with unspoken rules or peer pressure related to food, body image and exercise.
Food availability: Previous food experiences and current circumstances can impact how we view or access food. If someone is food insecure, it can affect their eating habits because they lack proper access to food.

If you feel lost when it comes to food or want to improve your relationship with food or exercise, there are resources on campus that can help.

Nutrition Services

Meet with a registered dietitian nutritionist (RDN) to learn about intuitive eating, adequate food intake and ways to overcome food rules or restrictions. Appointment options range from free screenings to ongoing sessions.

Collegiate Recovery Community (CUCRC)

The CUCRC provides a free Food and Body Image support meeting every week. This drop-in meeting is a great place to build community and work with others who are in recovery from unhealthy relationships with food and body image.

Buff Pantry

The Basic Needs Center has an on-campus food pantry that supports all undergraduate and graduate students experiencing food insecurity. Simply complete a client intake form online and schedule an appointment to stop by once per week to select grocery items.

Explore your relationship with physical activity

Participating in regular movement (i.e., physical activity or exercise) has proven benefits for both our minds and bodies. Here are some tools to help you move your body in a safe and healthy way.

SNAP enrollment

The Basic Needs Center is available to help students enroll in the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), which provides supplementary funds to help qualifying individuals and families access nutritious food.

Dietary Accommodations

Campus Dining Services strives to meet the dietary needs of our community through access to food options that are allergen-free, halal, kosher, vegan and vegetarian. If you need support navigating food options on campus, you can work one-on-one with our registered dietitian nutritionist.

8. Relationships

Exploring your sexuality and relationships is a normal part of college life and young adulthood. Making new friends, forming and maintaining long-term relationships, dating and hooking up require us to set boundaries, communicate openly, build trust and find support when we need it.

It's also important to recognize when a relationship that feels uncomfortable, unhealthy or downright harmful. These characteristics can show up in a variety of ways, including when our boundaries are not respected, issues with trust or breakdowns in connection or communication.

If you notice a friend seems more unhappy than not in their relationship or they express feeling unsafe with a partner, this is a good opportunity to offer care and support.

The Office of Victim Assistance is a great resource that can help students recognize and seek support for:

Healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationship behaviors
Stalking
Sexual harassment
Intimate partner abuse, dating and domestic violence, and familial abuse
Rights, reporting options and advocacy
Short-term trauma counseling services
Community referral options
Ways to support friends or family members who have been through a traumatic experience

The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) also offers free sexual relationships and consent workshops to help students explore boundary-setting, sexual decision-making, consent and the impact of alcohol on sex.

9. Physical injuries

Accidents happen, especially in college. That’s why it’s important to take precautions to avoid serious injuries on and off campus. Here are some tips you can use to stay safe.

Biking, skateboarding, walking and scootering

Always wear a helmet when biking, skateboarding or riding a scooter.
Stay in designated bike lanes or walking lanes.
Pay attention to your surroundings, especially when biking in the road, using crosswalks or going through intersections.
Be mindful of dismount zones on campus, and follow the rules, especially during high traffic times.
Never bike, skateboard or use scooters when under the influence of alcohol, marijuana or other substances.

Outdoor recreation

Always wear a helmet when rock climbing, bouldering, skiing, snowboarding, mountain biking or tubing.
Stay on designated trails and be mindful of avalanche or flood conditions in the backcountry.
Always pack adequate water and food, wear sunscreen and bring first aid supplies when adventuring outside.
Let someone know where you’re going and how long you expect to be gone. Be sure they can call for help if they don’t hear from you.

Driving

Never drive under the influence of alcohol, marijuana or other substances. If you’re intoxicated, designate a sober person to drive or leave your car behind and use CU NightRide, public transit or a rideshare service instead.
Minimize distractions by putting your cell phone on drive mode and not texting while driving.
Leave adequate space between yourself and other cars, especially during rush hour or in congested areas.
Use your hazard lights if you need to come to a stop quickly. This will alert the person behind you that they need to brake sooner than they might expect to avoid a collision.
If you are involved in an accident, move your vehicle to the shoulder or out of traffic.
Watch for pedestrians and bikes, even if they are not in a designated crosswalk or bike lane.

If you get injured or are involved in an accident, there are a variety of support services you can use on campus.

Medical Services

Medical Services provides injury care services, including x-rays. They can also help refer you to community services if you need more intense rehabilitation.

Physical Therapy and Integrative Care (PTIC)

The PTIC office provides a variety of services to students, including physical therapy, chiropractic care, acupuncture and massage to help address injuries, pain and other concerns.

Recreation Injury Care Center (RICC)

RICC provides free services to patrons and guests of the Rec Center including first aid, baseline concussion testing, injury prevention services and athletic training services.

AcademicLiveCare

If you need after-hours support for medical or urgent care needs, AcademicLiveCare offers free, on-demand virtual appointments for all students.

Health issues are more common than you may think, especially among college students. Here are some you may experience in college and what you can do about them.

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9 ways to take care of your sexual health in college

Anonymous — Wed, 21 Feb 2024 15:33:17 +0000

9 ways to take care of your sexual health in college Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 02/21/2024 - 08:33

College can be a great time to learn about sexual health, how to care for yourself and have healthy, pleasurable sex. Here are nine things you can do to take care of your sexual health in college (and beyond).

1. Schedule an annual wellness visit

Young adults are encouraged to start attending annual wellness visits. During these appointments, providers will track baseline health information, screen for cancer and treat sexually transmitted infections (STIs) if needed. They may also review your medical history,

take your blood pressure and screen for mental health concerns, like depression or anxiety.

These exams may also include sex-specific evaluations, such as:

Breast or chest exam: Your provider may visually examine and use their hands to palpate your breasts or chest. They are looking for irregularities that may indicate breast cancer.
Pelvic exam: Your provider may visually inspect your external genitalia for signs of infection. They may use their hands to check for abnormal lumps or bumps, internally or externally. If you have a cervix, your provider may also insert a metal speculum in your vagina and collect some internal cells with a long q-tip. This sample is then tested for any abnormalities that may indicate the development of cancer.

We encourage you to work with your provider to determine which screenings feel right for you. You can also set boundaries with your provider and communicate ways they can help keep you comfortable. Here are some examples of questions you can ask your provider:

“Can you please describe what you’re going to do before each step?”
“Will you wait for me to tell you it’s okay before you touch each new part of my body?”
“Can I bring a friend or have a second medical professional in the room while we do the exam?”

Students can schedule annual wellness visits and preventative care through Medical Services. Most health insurance plans will cover an annual wellness visit once per year, though additional charges may occur if specific concerns are addressed during that visit.

2. Consider vaccines or medications for STI prevention

Did you know there are vaccines and other medications that can help reduce your chances of contracting or spreading infections that can be transmitted sexually?

Vaccines are available for:

Human Papilloma Virus (HPV): HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the U.S. Some forms of HPV can cause genital warts, while others can lead to cervical cancer.
Hepatitis A (HAV) and Hepatitis B (HBV): HAV and HVB can cause a liver infection that can lead to short-term illness or longer-term health issues, including liver cancer.
Meningococcal B (meningitis): Meningitis is an inflammatory infection that causes swelling to the brain and spinal cord, which can be fatal and requires immediate medical attention.
Mpox: Mpox is a rare infection that can cause symptoms similar to, but less severe than, smallpox. This vaccine is only available to those who meet specific criteria.

Oral medications are available for:

HIV: Medications are available to help prevent HIV for high-risk individuals before and after exposure from sex or intravenous drug use. These medications are only available to those who meet specific criteria.
Syphilis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea: Antibacterial medications are available to help prevent active infections for syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea, which can lead to long-term health complications like nervous system damage, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and more.

Talk with your provider to determine which vaccines or medications may be right for you.

Vaccines available at Medical Services

3. Explore what sex means to you

For many students, college provides an opportunity to learn about and explore sexual relationships. Choosing whether to have sex is your decision, and it is important to think through what you want before engaging in sexual activities.

Take some time to think about your values, preferences and boundaries when it comes to sex. For instance, you may explore your beliefs around the type of touch you want, how you feel about non-sober sex, unplanned pregnancy, porn and erotica, safer sex practices and boundaries you want to have with sexual partners.

Check out our free Sex Ed Workbook to start exploring!

Download the Sex Ed Workbook

4. Get to know your body

Whether you’re sexually active or not, taking time to learn about your unique body, cues, boundaries and desire can help you understand what you want and what feels good.

Here are some ways you can explore your body and desire through fantasy, solo sex and partnered sex:

Exploring how your body responds to erotica, watching porn or fantasizing
Noticing how pace, pressure and location can shift the way it feels to be touched
Paying attention to what parts of your body you are self-conscious about and leaning into self-compassion
Staying open to the possibility that sensations may feel different day-to-day or partner-to-partner

Physical sensations can impact how you experience pleasure, safety, discomfort and distress. Working to get more in tune with your body means you have a better chance of what feels good for you.

For many reasons, getting in touch with our bodies can be difficult. Go at your own pace and take it slow if you need to. As you get more comfortable with the sensations of your body (and mind), you may feel more equipped to tell or show your partner(s) what feels good for you. Being able to advocate for yourself in this way can help you set boundaries, ask for what you want and have more pleasurable sexual experiences.

5. Talk about sex with your partner(s)

Talking with your partner(s) about sex can help you have a better experience before, during and after. Here are a few things you should consider discussing:

Defining expectations: Discussing expectations can help you understand your shared values and perspectives around relationships and sex. Try your best to be clear about whether you want casual sex, something exclusive, a committed relationship or something else.

Setting boundaries: Discussing boundaries can help you and your partner(s) identify what kinds of activities are off-limits (for the time being). You can also use this opportunity to discuss things you are interested in doing or trying as well as things you may be neutral about. Keep in mind that your partner may not be willing or interested in doing things that you’re ‘into’ and vice versa, and that’s okay.

Defining sex: It’s common for people to define sex differently. For instance, some people may define ‘sex’ as vaginal penetration only. Others may define it as anything involving genital touching or other forms of penetration, including oral sex. That’s why it’s important to be explicit with your partner about how you both define sex to ensure you have an understanding of where each person is coming from.

Learning to advocate for your own pleasure: We can’t expect people to read our minds, just like we can’t expect them to know what feels good for us. That’s why it’s important for partners to share what feels good (and what doesn’t) and listen to each other. When you start engaging in sexual behaviors, try to tell or show your partner what feels good for you and ask them to do the same. Keep in mind that some people may not want ‘feedback’ on their performance, so it may be helpful to discuss the best way to tell a partner or show them what you’d like and vice versa. Advocating for your pleasure can be challenging for many people and it can take time to become comfortable openly discussing sex with your partner(s). It may not always work out the way you want, but it’s critical that partners can listen to and respect what each other wants without pushing anyone past what they’re comfortable with.

6. Explore birth control options

If you’re concerned about the risks of an unplanned pregnancy, consider taking some time to explore birth control options.

For individuals who can get pregnant, birth control comes in a variety of forms, including pills, implants, vaginal rings, patches, injections and more. Medical Services is available for birth control consultations to walk you through short- and long-term options, potential side effects and application.

Consider talking with your partner about what protection works best and how much risk you each are willing to take when it comes to unprotected sex or unplanned pregnancy.

Talk with your partner(s) about the risk of pregnancy and which type of protection may work best for you. This can include hormonal birth control, copper-based birth control or condoms. Keep in mind that birth control does not prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

If you or your partner are concerned about unplanned pregnancy after unprotected sex, you can use emergency contraceptives like Plan B or Ella. You can also pick up or purchase emergency contraceptives to keep on hand before sex. Just be sure to monitor the expiration date to ensure it is still effective.

Emergency contraceptives are available for free at the Apothecary Pharmacy in Wardenburg Health Center. They are also available for purchase at other local pharmacies with or without a prescription.

Please note: Emergency contraception is a safe and effective way to prevent unintended pregnancy after unprotected sex. Emergency contraception will not cause an abortion.

7. Use barriers

While contraceptives and birth control can help prevent pregnancy, they do not protect against sexually transmitted infections.

Using physical barriers during sex and foreplay can help protect you and your partner(s) against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This can include things like external condoms, internal condoms and dental dams (for oral sex). These types of barriers are intended to reduce your contact with bodily fluids, which can spread STIs. For the best protection, it’s important to use a barrier every time you have oral, anal or vaginal sex.

When using barriers, make sure they’re not expired or damaged. Using a water- or silicone-based lubricant can also help decrease friction during sex. Less friction can help improve overall pleasure while reducing the risk of tearing sensitive tissues, which can increase your risk for STI transmission.

Students can pick up free safer sex supplies, including lubricant and barriers, by visiting Wardenburg or by ordering a Buff Box for delivery to your residence hall. Supplies are located on the first floor in the Sexual and Reproductive Health Clinic as well as on the third floor in the Wellness Suite.

Learn about barriers and how to use them

8. Get tested

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) include any infection that can pass from one person to another through sexual activities, including oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, genital contact or sexual fluids, like semen. These infections can be caused by bacteria, viruses or parasites.

Here are some tips for getting tested:

General recommendations: If you are sexually active, it is recommended that you get tested one to four times per year. Your medical provider can work with you to figure out the best frequency depending on your history, risk and other factors.

Your partner has tested positive: If you know your partner has tested positive for an STI, you should connect with a medical provider right away. You may be eligible for prophylaxis, which can reduce the chances of contracting certain infections. You can also receive immediate treatment for STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhea.

You are experiencing symptoms: If you are experiencing symptoms like itching, burning, or pain, contact a medical provider about testing options.

You have no symptoms but are concerned about exposure: If you’re concerned that you may have been exposed to an STI but are not experiencing any symptoms, you may want to wait a few weeks before testing. Consulting with a medical provider can help you determine appropriate testing options, timing and treatment options.

Medical Services provides STI screening appointments and drop-in testing options for students.

Please note: The most common symptom of an STI is no symptoms at all. Getting tested even if you don’t have symptoms can help protect you from developing complications and protect your future partners from infection.

Learn more about screening guidelines

9. Connect with campus resources

Health and Wellness Services offers a variety of services to help students address their sexual health.

Sexual and reproductive health

Medical Services providers are here to support all CU Boulder students learn about their bodies and take care of their sexual and reproductive health. Services include health exams, birth control, gynecological services, HPV vaccines, HIV prevention, pregnancy testing, gender-affirming hormone therapy, infection treatment and more.

STI testing

Students can schedule an in-person appointment to get testing recommendations, review results or order STI tests from the lab. Drop-in testing is also available at the lab in Wardenburg Health Center.

Safer sex supplies

Students living on campus can order a free Buff Box that includes supplies and information about safer sex, such as condoms, lube, finger cots, dental dams and tips for communicating with partners.

Students living off campus can stop by Wardenburg Health Center to pick up free safer sex supplies on the third floor in the Wellness Suite and the first floor outside of the Sexual and Reproductive Health office.

Apothecary pharmacy

The Apothecary pharmacy provides prescription medications and over-the-counter products, including emergency contraception, condoms, pregnancy tests and more.

Unprotected sex

In the heat of the moment, practicing safer sex habits might not be the first thing on your mind. Learn what you should do after having unprotected sex.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including, but not limited to, sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and harassment.

Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can check in for an informal, brief and confidential consultation with a counselor or psychiatrist. Let’s Talk provides a special hour on Tuesdays for sex and gender topics. This service is a great way to get connected with a mental health provider to talk through resources, get support and talk through your concerns.

Behavioral Health

Medical Services has licensed behavioral health professionals on staff to help you with everything from managing stress, getting connected with resources or finding ongoing mental health care. They are available to anyone who has an appointment at Medical Services and can be seen by request during your appointment.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymously reporting is an option as well.

Recognizing sexual assault

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.

Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration or contact, including vaginal, anal or oral sex (this includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part)
Unwanted touching of private body parts (e.g., butt, breasts, genitals)

Keep in mind that sexual assault can also include attempted sexual activity without consent. Someone going beyond what was agreed upon without further consent is also sexual assault. For instance, if you consent to sex with a condom and your partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent. This practice is often referred to as “stealthing.”

Learn more about sexual assault and available resources

College can be a great time to learn about sexual health, care for yourself and have healthy, pleasurable sex. Here are 10 things you can do to take care of your sexual health in college (and beyond).

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3 things everyone should know about stalking

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0000

3 things everyone should know about stalking Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 01/18/2024 - 00:00

January is Stalking Awareness Month

Learn how you can seek support for yourself, a friend or a colleague.

Popular culture, like shows and movies, can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly turn into discomfort or fear when it’s unwelcome. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking.

#1 Stalking can take many forms

Stalking goes beyond following someone. It can include a variety of tactics, which can happen in person and/or online. Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, threatened or in danger.

Examples of stalking behaviors include:

Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not include direct threats
Creating fake profiles to continue contacting a person after they have been blocked on someone’s personal account
Observing, following or “coincidentally” showing up wherever the person goes
Waiting outside of the person’s class, home, job, car, etc.
Leaving notes, gifts or other items for the person
Spreading rumors online and/or in person

Posting messages or images of the person on social media or in discussion groups without permission
Vandalism or destruction of property, including sabotaging school or other work
Breaking into the person’s home, workplace or car
Hacking into the person’s social media, email or other accounts
Collecting information about or attempting to contact the person through friends, family members, coworkers or acquaintances

#2 Stalking can happen to anyone

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous or current intimate relationship, a person can also be stalked by roommates, friends, classmates, colleagues or someone they have never met or only met once, including matches on dating apps.

Here are some ways to identify healthy, unhealthy and concerning behaviors that may prompt someone to seek additional help or support:

Healthy boundaries are: When you say “no” the other person respectfully leaves you alone and does not attempt to contact you again.

Unhealthy behaviors are: When you say “no” the other person continues to contact you again and again.

Consider discussing with someone or documenting what is happening: When you say “no” more than once and the other person tries to talk you into saying “yes,” continues to contact you and/or contacts you more often.

Consider seeking help from an advocate, the police, or other professional: When you are contacted repeatedly, the other person shows up where you are, indirectly threatens you, is disrespectful and/or does not take “no” for an answer.

Call 911: When the other person directly threatens you, tries to harm you, harms you or damages your property (including your pets).

#3 Context is key

Gift giving, location tracking, or sending multiple texts can be components of a healthy friendship or romantic relationship. It can feel really special for your roommate to bring you a coffee just because or have friends checking an app to make sure you got home safe. The key here is that these behaviors are wanted and help increase a sense of safety within the relationship.

Stalking, on the otherhand, is a pattern of unwanted behavior that reduces a person’s sense of safety. From the outside it may look similar to some of those innocuous behaviors, but to the person experiencing it, it can really feel threatening. The context of the behavior and the impact it has on the recipient is key.

Stalking violates CU’s campus policies and is considered a serious crime in Colorado. CU Boulder provides a number of reporting and support options for those experiencing stalking.

Support resources for students, staff and faculty

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking behaviors, it’s important to connect them with appropriate support resources and services.

General support

The Don’t Ignore It website provides options for seeking confidential support on and off campus, skills for helping others and reporting options related to sexual misconduct, stalking, intimate partner abuse, harassment and discrimination.

Confidential services

Students, staff and faculty can get confidential support and/or counseling through the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) by calling 303-492-8855 or filling out a confidential request form online. This form will only be reviewed by OVA staff—the university will not be notified and no investigative action will take place. If you would like to get in contact with an OVA advocate counselor, be sure to include your contact information. OVA advocate counselors can provide additional support to help individuals explore their rights and options, make a safety plan and reporting options if needed, discuss their living situation and more.

University reporting

If you think you may be experiencing stalking, you can report the incident to the CU Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). OIEC can address concerns in a variety of ways including a formal grievance process or through a policy compliance meeting with the person engaging in behaviors that might be considered stalking. Additionally, OIEC may be able to provide safety and supportive measures, such as no contact orders, academic support remedies and more. You can file a report with OIEC by calling 303-492-2127, emailing cureport@colorado.edu or filling out a report online.

Law enforcement reporting

Reporting to the police can take many forms and doesn’t have to lead to filing of criminal charges. An informational or anonymous report is sometimes an option to make the police aware of the situation. Individuals may have the option to ask police to contact the person to give a verbal warning or press criminal charges. If stalking behaviors have occured on campus, contact the CU Boulder Police Department. Otherwise, contact your local police department.

Shows and movies can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly cross boundaries. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking behaviors.

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6 tips to help prevent sexual assault

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 tips to help prevent sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 10/25/2023 - 00:00

Halloween celebrations that involve alcohol and other substances can also make it easier for problematic behaviors and unwelcome advances to go unnoticed. Here are some tips to stay safe and have fun over Halloween weekend.

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Valentine's ideas for couples, singles and friends

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 07:00:00 +0000

Valentine's ideas for couples, singles and friends Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 02/09/2023 - 00:00

Looking for something to do on Valentine’s Day? Here are some activities you can enjoy with friends, by yourself or with someone you love.

For couples...

Use Valentine’s Day to focus on strengthening your relationship and feeling more connected (without breaking the bank).

Recreate your first date. Think back to the first day (or night) you met. What did you do? Where did you go? Make plans to recreate your first date together. If you met your significant other in the summer when the weather was warmer, get creative about how you can adapt your date for the snow.

Make a bucket list. Create a bucket list of things you’d like to do together this year. Consider things you can do now, a few months from now or in the distant future. This can be a great way to get to know your partner better and have fun planning future adventures together.

Find out your love language. Each of us gives and receives affection in different ways. Learning about your love languages can help you and your partner explore ways to make each other feel more connected and loved. It can also help you get to know the other person better. You can find out what your love language is by taking a free quiz.

For friends…

Celebrating Valentine’s Day with your bros or BFFs can be a fun way to show gratitude for the people that have been by your side through thick and thin.

Go sledding. Take this opportunity to enjoy the snow and head outside for some good old fashioned sledding! The best spots in Boulder include Scott Carpenter Park, Harlow Platts Community Park and Chautauqua (designated areas only).

Set up a secret cupid exchange. If you enjoy white elephant gifts, it may be time to try a secret cupid exchange. The premise is the same: draw names and select a small gift ($5 to $10) for that person. Gifts can be themed or something simple you think your secret cupid would enjoy. Have fun with it and don’t be afraid to be silly!

Enjoy a tasting party or potluck. Treat yourself (and your friends) to a delicious meal by hosting a potluck or tasting party. You can make it extra special by following a Valentine’s Day theme, including heart-shaped foods, red and pink foods only or dishes you each love.

For singles…

Being single on Valentine’s Day can be tough for some people. However, it can also give us an opportunity to treat ourselves and focus on our own needs.

Spend time on self-care. While self-care should be a part of our everyday routine, try to spend time today going all in on activities that make you feel your best. You can get a mani/pedi, have an at-home spa day, spend your afternoon outside or simply enjoy some rest and recovery.

Send valentines to your friends or family. Spread the love and practice gratitude by sending valentines to your friends or family members. You can also get crafty by creating your own cards or opt to send letters instead. Be sure to let the people in your life know that you are thinking of them and that you are grateful for all they have done for you.

Treat yourself to a fancy dinner. Avoid splitting the bill by treating yourself to a nice dinner. You can opt for a new home-cooked recipe or skip a night of dishes by ordering your favorite takeout.

Campus events

I Love Mondays: Candy and Letters to Friends

Join the Center for Student Involvement to pick up free candy and write letters to your friends at the UMC.

Monday, Feb. 13

Cultivating Self-Compassion: Mindful Monday

Join Health Promotion to learn ways to cultivate self-compassion and follow an easy meditation to increase kindness towards yourself and others.

Monday, Feb. 13

Health Huts: Days of Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is good for both your mental and physical health. Who are you feeling grateful for this week? Stop by and write a gratitude post card to someone, and we'll send it anywhere you want!

Tuesday, Feb. 14

DIY Night: Mug Painting & Card Making

Take time out of your week to relax and craft with your peers. DIY Nights are a great way to engage with others while participating in a fun craft project.

Tuesday, Feb. 14

Body Image Awareness at The Rec

Each year the Recreation Center hosts free events and activities throughout February in honor of Body Image Awareness Month. Show yourself some love by participating in this year's events, including nutrition talks, body image workshops, free fitness classes and more.

Community events

Love Bites: A Valentine's Haunted House

Your favorite Denver haunted house is getting a Valentine’s makeover. The same thrills and chills of the Halloween season but with a lover’s twist. Forget dates of Valentine’s Day past to experience something new this year.

February 17 to 19

Crazy, Stupid, Drag

Looking for love? Got love? Forgone love entirely? Join this interactive drag show at Meow Wolf!

February 14 and 15

Free Day: Denver Art Museum

Visit the Denver Art Museum (DAM) for free to enjoy art, on-site activities and exhibitions. Tickets may be reserved in advance.

Tuesday, Feb. 14

Botanic Gardens Orchid Showcase

See hundreds of exotic blooms, including rare orchids from the Gardens’ collection. The Showcase is a great idea for a Valentine’s Day activity. Included with admission to the Gardens. The Showcase is open 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. in the Orangery.

Saturday, Feb. 18

Follow @CUHealthyBuffs on social for more tips, events and activites.

Looking for something to do on Valentine’s Day? Here are some activities you can enjoy with friends, by yourself or with someone you love.

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3 tips for dating in college

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 06:00:00 +0000

3 tips for dating in college Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 02/08/2023 - 23:00

Looking for low-cost date ideas on and off campus? Check out this comprehensive list of things you can do together!

Get date ideas

You might want to date to get to know new people, start a relationship or casually hang out. It’s also okay if you’re not looking to date or hookup. Sometimes, it’s nice to focus on friendships instead. If this sounds like you, check out these tips for making friends on campus.

If you are interested in dating during your time here at CU, here are some tips for making dating fun and meaningful.

1) Communicate your intent

To get the most out of dating, consider what you want from the experience. Keep in mind that not all crushes will turn into a relationship, but it can pay off to know what you want from a romantic interest.

Here are a few expectations to talk about together:

Talk through what you might be looking for. Clarify if it’s okay to date or hook up with other people or if you’d prefer to be exclusive. Keep in mind that your wants or expectations may change over time. Having ongoing conversations with your partner as your relationship evolves is key.
Does sharing similar political views, aspirations, lifestyle or other factors matter?
Clarify expectations about who will pay for things on a date. Keep in mind that sharing expenses when dating has been shown to help partners develop healthier boundaries.

It's important to remember that effective communication requires vulnerability. A prospective interest might reject you for having wants that don’t align with their own, which can be a difficult experience. However, having someone clearly communicate their intent, even if it turns out to be rejection, can still be a better outcome than being led on or having a date end poorly.

If you're using dating apps, consider using these expectations to help you tailor your profile and create meaningful filters. For instance, if you’re looking for something casual, you may want to consider filtering out people who are looking for a relationship or vice versa. Using these features and being honest about what you want allows you to set clear expectations and match with people who want similar things.

2) Embrace authenticity and connection

We are all hardwired to seek clarity, safety and stability in our relationships. However, modern dating culture may feel like low accountability and casual interactions are expected. We may feel pressured to play it cool, be chill, minimize what we want/need or avoid committing too early. Feeling constrained by dating norms and expectations can cause increased anxiety and uncertainty.

One way to combat this is to intentionally embrace authenticity and connection. Allow your true self to shine through, whether you’re meeting people online or in person. If you prefer apps, build a profile that reflects who you really are. Don’t be afraid to showcase your personality and values through photos, questionnaires or your bio. Staying true to your authentic self can make it more likely to find meaningful connections.

Remember that you can take it slow and let things evolve. Spend as much time as you need to get to know yourself and a romantic interest.

3) Identify and communicate your boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations we set for our behavior. Setting healthy boundaries can help us navigate relationships in a more positive way and avoid feelings of anger, resentment, regret or fatigue.

Here are a few examples to consider:

Are you comfortable going out with someone who may be seeing other people at the same time?
Do you want to get to know someone over text before meeting up or meet up with people right away?
What physical touch are you comfortable with on a first date (e.g., handholding, hugging, kissing, sex, etc.)? How do you see physical touch evolving as you get to know someone?
How do you feel about going out with someone who has previously dated a friend or acquaintance?
Are there specific activities you’d like to avoid on dates (e.g., drinking, expensive outings, group events, etc.)?

Clarifying our boundaries in our mind first can help us communicate them and establish a healthy relationship with ourselves and potential partners.

Here are some ways you may set and communicate boundaries on dates:

“I am feeling uncomfortable. Can we do something else that we would both enjoy?”
“I’ve never done [activity] before. I’d like to go on a date with you, and I am down to try it. But if I end up not having a good time, will you be open if our plans need to change?”
“You’re hot and I really like you, but I’m not ready to have sex with you yet. Do you still want to meet up, or does that change your interest in going on our date?”

Be honest about your expectations and trust your gut. If someone dismisses your boundaries or pushes you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, they’re probably not a good fit.

Free guide for exploring sex

Sex is complicated, and you may not always know what you want. This free workbook can help you reflect on your preferences, desires, boundaries and the ways you think about sex.

Get your copy of The Sex Ed Workbook

Resources

While exploring relationships may feel easy and great, it can also be rocky or challenging. Here are some resources that are available for relationship support, self-exploration and more.

Support resources

Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can meet for an informal, brief, confidential consultation with a CAPS counselor. Let’s Talk counselors can help provide insight, solutions and information about additional resources. Students commonly visit with concerns about stress, sadness, worry, relationships, academic performance, family problems and financial struggles.

Medical Services

Medical Services offers sexual and reproductive health appointments and resources for all students, including birth control, annual exams, testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV prevention medications, free safer sex supplies and more.

Free safer sex supplies

Did you know you can get free safer sex supplies like condoms, dental dams, lube and more? Stop by the first or third floor of Wardenburg Health Center or order a free Buff Box for delivery to your residence hall.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free, confidential trauma-focused counseling, advocacy, information and referrals for all CU community members, including undergrad and graduate students, staff and faculty. They specialize in addressing current and past life-disruptive events, including but not limited to crime, trauma, sexual assault, partner abuse, experiences of bias, harassment, discrimination, assault, other abuse and violence.

Group therapy

CAPS offers process groups that provide a supportive space for students to deepen self-understanding and explore ways of relating more comfortably to others. This group can help students learn to deal with feelings of depression and anxiety, family dynamics and other personal concerns.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer wellness coaches are trained students who can help their fellow Buffs navigate their time at CU. They are here to help students set and achieve their goals related to academic success, relationships, time management, personal wellness and more.

Love bombing

New relationships are exciting, especially when you meet someone you instantly click with. In many cases, feeling connected and comfortable can be a sign of a healthy relationship to come. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off. Here are some signs to watch out for.

Stalking

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous intimate relationship, it can also occur between former friends, roommates or someone the person has never met before, including matches from dating apps. Learn how to identify stalking behaviors and connect with resources.

Intimate partner abuse

Intimate partner abuse occurs in relationships that are or have been intimate. Abuse can take many forms, including verbal, emotional, physical, psychological, sexual, financial or reproductive abuse. Learn how to identify intimate partner abuse and connect with resources, or learn the difference between healthy and abusive behaviors in a relationship.

Sexual assault

Sexual violence and abuse can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Learn about sexual assault, consent and resources available for students.

If you’re in a relationship or open to dating, here are some tips that can help you create a meaningful, healthy and happy relationship.

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3 things everyone should know about sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

Anonymous — Wed, 14 Sep 2022 06:00:00 +0000

3 things everyone should know about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 09/14/2022 - 00:00

Whether you’re in a relationship, hooking up or staying single, knowing how to prevent and treat sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can help you stay healthy and safe.

Here are a few things everyone should know about STIs.

1. What are STIs?

STIs are infections that pass from one person to another through sexual activities, including oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, genital contact or sexual fluids like semen. These types of infections can be caused by bacteria, viruses or parasites.

2. How common are STIs?

Sexually transmitted infections are more common than you may think.

In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that approximately 1 in 5 people in the U.S. has an STI. Young adults ages 14 to 25 are also at an increased risk of contracting an STI.

Some of the most common STIs among college students include:

It’s important to remember that anyone can get an STI, regardless of their race, gender identity, sexual orientation, age or number of partners.

3. Are they preventable?

Yes!

Sex is better when you don’t have to worry about contracting STIs. Here are a few safer sex practices you can use to protect yourself and your partner.

Use protection

While contraceptives and birth control can help prevent pregnancy, they do not protect against sexually transmitted infections.

Using physical barriers like condoms and dental dams can help reduce your contact with sexual fluids, which can spread STIs. For the best protection, it’s important to use a barrier every time you have oral, anal or vaginal sex.

If you use sex toys, wash them properly according to the manufacturer’s instructions before using them on another person. You can also use condoms with sex toys for added protection. Just remember to change the condom before using it on another person.

If you’re not sure how to properly apply a condom or use a dental dam, follow these step-by-step instructions.

Pro tip: Wearing two condoms doesn’t double your protection. In fact, they can rub together and create friction, which can cause one or both of the condoms to break or tear. Stay safe and save money by only using one condom at a time.

Get vaccinated

Vaccines are a great way to protect yourself (and your partners) against sexually transmitted infections caused by certain viruses. Currently, there are vaccines to protect against the following STIs.

Human papillomavirus (HPV): HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the U.S. Some forms of HPV can cause genital warts, while others can lead to cancer.
Hepatitis B (HBV): HBV causes a liver infection that can lead to short-term illness or longer-term health issues, including liver cancer.

Vaccines for HPV and hepatitis B are available to students through Medical Services.

Know your sexual partners

Many people may have an STI without even knowing it. This is because the most common symptom is no symptoms at all. Talk with your partner(s) about your sexual history and test results. New sexual partners may come with new risks, so it’s important to continue to practice safe sex.

Pro tip: Not sure how to talk to your partner about STIs? Check out this article for helpful tips on starting the conversation.

How to discuss STIs with your partner

Get tested (and treated, if necessary)

It’s a good idea for you and your partner(s) to get tested at least once per year, even if you don’t have any symptoms of an STI. Try to get tested between partners, preferably before you start having oral, anal or vaginal sex.

If you’ve had sex and are worried that you may have been exposed to an STI, it’s important to remember that it can take some time before an STI becomes active in your body. Testing too soon can cause you to get inaccurate results. Instead, follow these guidelines for testing:

HIV: Get tested after 23 to 90 days
Chlamydia: Get tested after 5 days to 2 weeks
Gonorrhea: Get tested after 5 days to 2 weeks
Syphilis: Get tested after 2 to 3 weeks

If you’re not sure when to get tested or what tests you need, Medical Services can help you determine what is right for you.

Pro tip: If you’re experiencing any symptoms, such as itching, burning or pain, get tested right away.

Additional resources

Students have access to STI testing, free safer sex supplies and more!

Pick up free supplies

Stop by Wardenburg Health Center to pick up free safer sex supplies like condoms, dental dams, lube and more.

Health Promotion: 3rd floor Wellness Suite
Sexual and Reproductive Health Office: 1st floor check-in area

Buff Boxes

Students living on campus can also get free safer sex supplies like condoms, dental dams and lube delivered directly to their residence halls in discrete packaging.

STI testing

Medical Services provides STI testing by appointment and through drop-in lab services. Tests are available for HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis.

Sexual and Reproductive Health

Medical Services provides birth control, long acting reversible contraception, STI testing, annual exams, emergency contraception, pregnancy testing and more through their Sexual and Reproductive Health office.

Free HIV testing

The Boulder County Aids Project (BCAP) offers free and confidential HIV testing at various community locations around Boulder.

Consent and sexual assault

Sexual violence can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Read this article to learn about consent, sexual assault and resources.

Whether you’re in a relationship, hooking up or staying single, here are a few things everyone should know about STIs.

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Mental health is… building strong relationships

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 18:28:41 +0000

Mental health is… building strong relationships Anonymous (not verified) Fri, 02/04/2022 - 11:28

While many of us have cultivated new relationships on campus, maintaining those relationships can present new challenges. These relationships can vary from person to person (think friends, partners, family members, boss, coworkers, etc.), but healthy relationships all share a few core traits.

Under each section, you will find a quick guide for ‘red’ and ‘green’ flags in relationships. Green flags are behaviors that promote healthy, strong relationships. Red flags, on the other hand, will help you identify behaviors, patterns or dynamics that may be unhealthy or abusive.

Learn more about healthy, unhealthy and abusive behaviors

Communication

Good communication often starts with listening. Try to focus your full attention on listening to the other person, and resist the urge to plan out your response while they’re speaking. Allow the other person to share their thoughts uninterrupted, and encourage them to do the same for you.

When people feel heard and validated, they are more likely to open up in a conversation. This can also help you both feel more comfortable bringing up issues or expressing yourself. While not every conversation will be easy, both people should feel safe when bringing up potentially difficult topics.

If it’s difficult to share your feelings with another person, this may be a signal that it’s time to build more trust within the relationship.

Communication red flags

Holding back feelings out of fear of judgment or the other person’s response
Responses feel sarcastic, condescending, hurtful or insulting
One person dominates the conversation or utilizes the ‘silent treatment’
Using tactics like gaslighting or manipulation to steer the conversation or outcome a particular way

Communication green flags

You can disagree without feeling attacked or belittled
Discussing your feelings openly without fear of judgement or consequence
Willingness to acknowledge and accept different perspectives
Feeling heard by the other person
Conversations feel balanced between both people (each person has a chance to share)

Boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations that we set in order to protect our own well-being. Setting healthy boundaries can help you navigate relationships in a more positive way and avoid feelings of anger, resentment or burnout. Here are some examples of boundaries you may set within different relationships.

Physical boundaries refer to your personal space, including:

Touching (handshakes, hugs, kissing, unwanted sexual advances, etc.)
Privacy (personal files, email, texts, etc.)
Personal space (knocking before entering, closed door policies, etc.)

Emotional boundaries refer to your feelings, including:

Personal information (how and when to share, etc.)
Topics of discussion (politics, climate change, academics, etc.)
Respect for ideas and thoughts

Sexual boundaries refer to consent regarding sexual activities, including:

Physical touch (kissing, touching, sex, etc.)
Health (sexually transmitted infections, using protection, birth control, etc.)
Privacy (sharing photos or details of sexual encounters, etc.)

Material boundaries refer to your money and/or physical possessions, including:

Sharing (what, with who, when, permission, etc.)
Spending (budget, means, gifts, lending, etc.)

Time boundaries refer to your personal time and commitments, including:

Personal (friends, hobbies, family, etc.)
School (studying, projects, group work, etc.)
Work (after-hours contact, email, weekly hours, overtime, etc.)

When setting (and enforcing) boundaries, communication is key, especially if someone in your life tends to ignore or overstep your boundaries. For instance, if you have a partner or friend who constantly texts you or expects immediate responses, you can say something like, “I enjoy talking to you, and I need time to study. Drop me a message and I’ll get back to you when I can.”

If you ever feel guilty about setting or enforcing boundaries with others, remember that personal boundaries represent an essential part of self-care. It may take some time and practice to figure out which boundaries are most important to you and how to best implement them in your life.

Boundary red flags

Ignoring or overstepping boundaries after multiple reminders or conversations
Pressuring someone to change or compromise their personal boundaries
Feeling deprived of time, patience, energy or finances
Interpreting boundaries as an attack or insult

Boundary green flags

Feeling comfortable communicating about and enforcing boundaries
Respecting boundaries for yourself and others
Feeling comfortable saying “no” to things that you may not have the time, energy or finances to do

Conflict

Disagreements and conflict are normal in any relationship. It’s common to have different opinions, preferences, beliefs and values from friends, significant others or family members. In some cases, conflict can be a sign that something needs to change within a relationship. Many times, people who ignore or avoid conflict risk facing increased tensions and unmet needs. However, the way we respond to conflict is oftentimes more important than the conflict itself.

Working through a disagreement in a healthy way by talking respectfully and listening to understand each other is an important component of any relationship. If disagreements turn into fights more often than not, it may be time to evaluate how you’re communicating with one another. Try using “I” statements to soften language and use assertive communication. For example, “I would like you to stop doing that,” is a healthier way to say “you need to stop doing that.” You can download a free PDF for examples of active listening and “I” statements from Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution (SCCR).

Conflict red flags

Conflicts escalate or feel difficult to resolve
Avoid disagreeing with the other person out of fear (retaliation, anger, abuse, etc.)
Belittling the other person during disagreements
Conflict is interpreted as a personal attack

Conflict green flags

Comfortable working through disagreements and bringing up issues as they arise
Feel respected and heard, even if the disagreement doesn’t get resolved
Willingness to keep trying or come back to the conversation another time

Resources

Here are a few resources available to CU Boulder students to support strong relationships and conflict.

Let’s Talk

Drop in for a free and confidential consultation with a CAPS counselor. These sessions are available to help you address concerns related to depression, anxiety, relationships, stress, academic performance, family issues, financial struggles and more.

Group therapy

Process group therapy provides a supportive space for students to explore relationships, interpersonal skills, feedback and strategies to feel more connected with others.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential support for students, staff and faculty around various traumatic experiences, including intimate partner abuse and domestic violence. Please call 303-492-8855 to talk to an advocacy counselor. After hours support is also available at 303-492-8855, press menu option 2.

Don’t ignore it

Don't Ignore It is a free online resource to help students, staff, faculty and community members navigate reporting options and get help for themselves or others. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore it.

Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution (SCCR)

SCCR offers free conflict coaching and other resources for working through disagreements. They’re here to help you build stronger relationships with friends, roommates, professors and other people in your life.

Feel Better Fast

This free three-part workshop is designed to help students make positive changes through mindfulness techniques. You will learn how to make balanced decisions, self-soothe, take a step back from your thoughts and learn to live by your values.

Kognito

Kognito is an avatar-based digital experience that prepares you for the conversations that matter most. Students can access the program for free through their IdentiKey login.

While many of us have cultivated new relationships on campus, maintaining those relationships can present new challenges. Here are some tips to help you build and maintain strong relationships.

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Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers)

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 06:00:00 +0000

Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers) Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 11/04/2021 - 00:00

Sometimes drinking can lead to unintended consequences (like hooking up with a roommate or kissing your ex). Navigating sex can be complicated, especially if alcohol or other drugs are involved. Here are answers to some of the trickier questions around drinking, sex and consent.

What is consent and how is it given?

Consent is when people mutually agree to engage in sexual activities, whether it’s kissing, touching or sex. Consent consists of words or actions that create a clear understanding of what’s desired. It’s essential to making sex pleasurable.

It’s important to establish consent before fooling around. Consent is about setting personal boundaries, respecting the boundaries of others. It’s important to check in if you’re unsure or things seem unclear.

Here are some consent essentials:

No one should feel pressured or obligated to engage in sex or be incapacitated by drugs or alcohol.
Someone can change their minds at any time during a sexual encounter and that choice must be respected.
Agreements are conditional. For instance, if you consent to sex with a condom and your partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent.
Consenting to one sexual activity doesn’t mean you’ve consented to others. For instance, just because you are making out with someone doesn’t mean that you’ve automatically consented to have sex with them.
Enthusiasm is key! When people are excited and actively participating, sex is always better.

Is sex always considered nonconsensual when people have been drinking?

No. The use of alcohol or other drugs, in and of itself, doesn’t automatically mean a person is unable to consent. However, alcohol and drugs make it more difficult for someone to clearly consent. When in doubt, it’s best to hold off on engaging in any sexual activity. Additionally, substance use cannot be used as a defense against allegations of sexual misconduct.

If you and your partner have been drinking at all, it’s best to check in verbally and regularly when having sex. Ask things like:

Do you still want to do this?
Is this okay?
Does this feel good?
Are you having fun?
Do you want to keep going?
Do you want to stop?

Listen to your partner, pay attention to nonverbal cues and respect their boundaries. If they have difficulty responding to questions or aren't answering directly, stop until you know clearly what they want.

How much does someone need to drink before they can no longer give consent?

The impact of alcohol and other drugs varies from person to person. However, if someone is incapacitated for whatever reason, they are no longer able to give consent.

Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a rational, reasonable decision because they may lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when and why” of a sexual interaction. Incapacitation is often associated with alcohol or other drug use, but it can also involve other factors like sleep, illness, injury or disability. Here are some signs that indicate a person may be incapacitated and is unable to give consent:

Disorientation. Someone may lose track of where they are or who they are with, seem confused, forget basic information or repeat themselves (lack of short-term memory).
Loss of motor control. Someone may have difficulty performing tasks like inserting a key into a lock, getting something out of their wallet, walking on their own or dressing and undressing themselves.
Unconsciousness. Someone may be unconscious, coming in and out of consciousness, asleep or passed out.

If these factors are present, consent is not possible regardless of what the person is saying or doing.

Engaging in sexual activity when someone could have understood a person to be incapacitated is considered sexual assault.

What if people are in a relationship?

In many relationships, consent doesn’t always entail an explicit conversation about sex every time it happens. However, romantic or sexual involvement with someone doesn’t give that person permission to have unwanted sex or contact with someone. Incapacitation still applies even in relationships. Navigating different sex scenarios within a relationship is a personal experience, and it may be something to discuss with your partner when you are both sober.

Campus resources

Don’t Ignore It is an online resource to explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is – don’t ignore it.
The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) provides free and confidential trauma-informed counseling and advocacy support to undergraduate and graduate students, as well as staff and faculty. They can help people navigate resources, explore reporting options, and/or process the impact of the experience. Students can also connect with OVA through e-Ask an Advocate. This service allows students to connect with an OVA advocate online through a secure video chat. e-Ask an Advocate counselors can help provide insight, solutions and information about additional resources as well as information about one’s rights and options around traumatic experiences.
The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) helps implement and enforce university policies around sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse and stalking, among other unwelcome behaviors. If you or someone you know in the CU community has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Individuals can also report something anonymously to OIEC.

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